ANYONE who travels for any time will find themselves faced with unravelling the local tipping culture.
South America is no different and the past few days have seen the familiar service charges in restaurants and guides, plus a few more unusual requests for a few Peruvian soles.
The guide on the open top bus tour who gave up on the sporadic English version of her spiel, the guy dressed as a monk who mysteriously threw himself off a cliff for our entertainment and the random guy demanding $5 for wandering in and singing badly as we ate largely did so without profit.
One of them may have cursed us. Or called us donkeys.
Thankfully, the curse does not seem to have come to anything as none of those targeted have gone down with the pet bug which has laid several of our truck group low.
We have taken steps to stop any further spread, spending an evening washing everything on the truck and, more radically, avoiding any cross contamination by having a couple of bottles of local drink pisco poured into mouths (or somewhere near) during our night in the sand dunes.
Perhaps we should rewind and explain some of that…
Last time we were chilling out at the beach in northern Peru, watching a huge pod of dolphins swim by and the owner refloating the carcass of a dead sea lion and prodding it down to someone else’s stretch of sand.
For much of the intervening time, we have been hugging the Peruvian coast as we wind our way south, losing the glorious sunshine to several days under a gloomy haze which sits over part of the country almost relentlessly and seems to infect the whole atmosphere and national identity.
Our first stop was the seaside town of Huanchaco, where we found ourselves sharing a hostel with members of a Peruvian circus which provided a night out for much of the group in between a couple of visits to pre-Inca sites (and a supermarket trip which involved most people’s bags clinking and sparked an interesting jeopardy to reaching for a bottle of Coke).
The Chan Chan Ruins – a series of palaces made out of adobe (possibly photoshopped) – are the more celebrated, but the nearby Temples of the Sun and Moon proved more interesting.
A series of temples built on top of each other by the even older Moche civilisation, intact decorations made the whole thing easier to comprehend.
From camping in the the relative luxury of a hostel garden – a kitchen to cook and the overlander’s holy trinity of WiFi, showers and toilets – our next stop provided what was billed as the first bush camp of the trip, not to mention a maiden outing for my cook group.
Hopes were not high as we headed off the road towards the sea to find a rock fall blocking the way, only for Will to swing Spongebob to the left and through a narrow tunnel which emerged on a small beach, lined with largely deserted bars and restaurants.
One of those provided our base for the night, both for cooking (a biryani which proved very successful, far more down to Izzy’s efforts than my sous cheffing) and sleeping as, a few who opted for tents on the beach apart, we bedded down on the floor of the restaurant terrace or sun loungers.
From the almost deserted surroundings of Vesigue, a long drive day took us into the traffic-choked streets of Lima.
It is not a pretty city, not helped by those seemingly never-ending overcast conditions seemingly weighing down on everything and everyone.
Warnings of not heading out on your own after dark or taking valuables out were added to by the threat of protests against the government which saw the main square near the hostel fenced off and patrolled by police throughout our stay.
Not that we ventured too far on the first night, the clinking from the supermarket taken up to the hotel terrace for a few (well, quite a few) drinks well into the night, either side of the first appearance of a guinea pig on the table at a nearby restaurant.
Many of us ventured further afield the next day. We just wish we had not bothered.
Perhaps the traffic issues coming in should have tipped us off that an open top bus tour was not a great idea. Especially as it was not that warm.
There certainly is not that much to see – certainly not enough to fill four hours, the small statue of Paddington in the distance prompting the most excitement – and what there was the guide opted not to tell us about while we were anywhere near it or she lapsed into Spanish halfway through her English explanation.
She pretty much gave up altogether by the end, but not before what she seemed to think was the highlight of the trip.
Quite why the man dressed as a monk – any pretence that he was actually a monk was ruined by watching him change from sweatshirt and jeans behind a bush in a car park – dived off a rock into the waves was never explained.
Maybe that might have prompted a few more soles being thrown into his collecting box as he dripped his way up to the top deck.
He had more success than the elderly guy who wandered, guitar in hand, into the small place roomie Keith, Lisa and myself had chosen to refuel after so long without nutrition.
One pretty awful song we never asked for and he seemed to think the gringos should stump up more than the cost of our meal, lingering next to our table for several minutes before getting the message and departing with what may have been a curse and certainly was not very polite.
Having not made a great impression, Lima did redeem itself with an evening trip to a park across town with a series of fountains and an impressive light show, followed by a curse-free late-night assault on some local fast food joints.
None of us were too sorry to wave goodbye to Lima (very slowly, given the traffic and its sprawl) as bolstered by three new arrivals we headed off to a more traditional bush camp.
Celebrations for Ally’s birthday started early on the truck and continued into the night, largely undeterred by the gale blowing across our clifftop camp in Paracas National Park, although the wind marked a swift demise off the cliff to the first of several kites acquired en route.
It was not just the aftermath of those celebrations that laid a few people low the next day as the arrival of the bug coincided with what was billed as Funday Sunday, a series of activities which ended with most of us spending the night among the sand dunes.
First up was a boat trip to Iles de Ballestas, billed as the poor man’s Galapagos.
The fun took a while to get going with various people feeling under the weather and the absence of the planned English-speaking guide, our Spanish traveller Rebeca stepping into the breach and earning herself a job offer as things improved with an array of wildlife – the sea lions and odd penguin stealing the show from a multitude of sea birds (do you really want me to do the boobie gag?).
Next up was a trip to see how the local brew pisco is made and, more pertinently, a tasting session which saw a few of us succeed in downing rather more than our allotted amount.
What we had to do to get it must remain within the group.
With even more clanking from more purchases, we headed off to Huacachina for the final part of the triple bill.
After hurtling across the dunes in 10-man dune buggies, we threw ourselves down them head first on sandboards before being whisked off to our home for the night, a makeshift camp in the middle of the dunes.
A very pleasant night was enjoyed by all – well, all of those well enough to savour it – as the pisco flowed, our hosts cooked up a wonderful barbecue and absolutely nothing happened involving a dinosaur onesie.
Well, not that we have got room for here.